Bibliographic 2.3: March
March is over, and I’m tired.
When I went to LA in January I knew I had a very short amount of time to do things that weren’t work-related, and I was determined to fit them all in. I was (weirdly?) fixated on getting a smoothie from Erewhon, which is the kind of stupidly bougie organic market that I’ll go out of my way to visit in any city. Immediately after dumping my stuff at the hotel, I grabbed an Uber directly to the Silver Lake location, marched in, ordered the Olivia Rodrigo themed smoothie (“Good 4 Ur Guts”), drank it fast and wandered around the aisles in a smoothie-induced haze. I was meeting a friend for dinner but it wasn’t for another hour and there’s only so much aisle-wandering a person can do. I sat outside at one of the cafe tables and charged my phone with the portable battery I’d remembered to throw into my bag. I suddenly felt so weary from the day of travel and something about the blinking light on the battery made me feel like I was the item being charged. Under other circumstances I would’ve been more concerned about looking, I don’t know, cool, sitting outside under a palm tree in Silver Lake, but instead I was some kind of robot staring blankly at the wall until I achieved the minimum level of energy to reanimate.
Anyway, that’s how I feel after March: like I need to be plugged in.
So, what did I do this month? Mostly I worked, and worked, and part of me wants to dwell on that but the bigger part wants to focus on what revived me when I needed it.
I baked this lopsided chocolate olive oil cake from Smitten Kitchen, an easy one bowl type of cake that instead of dairy or eggs has olive oil, a cup of coffee, vinegar, and a tablespoon of corn syrup mixed into the chocolate glaze to make it pleasantly shiny. The cake, miraculously, lasted most of the month. The fridge kept it fudgy and cold. I’m not ashamed to admit that sometimes I would just break a piece off with my fingers when I needed some chocolate, fast. In the middle of a busy work day, a piece of that cake was decent sustenance.
A weekend trip to Montreal! The way seeing old friends is good for the soul. Coming home with Fairmount bagels to keep in the freezer.
I went dancing one night, despite not wanting to at first (see: tiredness), but Mark knew I would enjoy it, and of course I did, drinking red wine in a plastic cup, dancing to Pulp and LCD Soundsystem on a Saturday night in bar backroom.
And then I got tickets for Clara and I to see Olivia Rodrigo perform in Toronto. I’d really hemmed and hawed on these tickets— they were, frankly, expensive. But I gave in. Clara was requesting her songs on repeat, I love that Olivia is half-Filipino like moi and that she talks so lovingly about her parents (a good role model for Clara!) I genuinely enjoy listening to her songs and figuring out what 90s band she’s referencing/ripping off/paying an homage to/whatever. My first concert was with my mom at Clara’s age (which I’ve written about here, and P.S. I obviously wore that t-shirt to the concert) and if there’s something I love, it’s a full circle moment. Our best friends, Emily (mine) and Ginger (hers), got tickets one row behind us the day before the concert, which made it feel more fated, especially when we managed to sit together for the performance.
The concert happened this past weekend and it was the perfect recharge to the whole damn month— better than an Erewhon smoothie. The pure, wholesome joy of girls screaming at the top of their lungs along with an entire sold out arena. Sharing this happiness with my daughter, who I still look at and wonder how I’m so lucky to have in my life. Some loud guitars. Some quiet ones. I’ll live off that night for a long time.
Writing-wise: Working on edits! Google doc comments with my editor, texts about things to consider. Filled out a questionnaire where I started thinking about the fun but also nervewracking stuff like blurbs and book launches.
I read non-fiction: the bio about Glossier’s Emily Weiss, another one of the divorce memoirs, Lyz Lenz’s This American Ex-Wife. I liked both. I watched Poor Things and loved it. I saw my friend Lauren’s short film, Erase and Rewind, in a theatre, and it’s beautiful, powerful.
I did not glue the cake plate back together. Yet. But there’s a whole month before us, and the flowers will start (seasonally appropriately) growing again, and those thoughts also sustain me.
xoxo Teri